Polar Bear Run 21 January 25th 2020 "Shopping for the Weird"
Welcome to the website for the 21st Annual Polar Bear Run - 21 - old enough to buy handguns and liquor - what could go wrong? We’re going shopping at somewhere weird in the State of North Carolina. Yes, we are heading to the state south of us for only the second time in Polar Bear history. Bring money, lots of money because you just might want to buy some of the weird stuff we are going to look at: antiques, close-outs, junk, furniture, stuff advertised on TV, more junk and old stuff, and of course weird stuff. In fact the whole place is a little strange. And then we will go to an all you can cram down your gullet buffet. This eatery has been in business for over 70 years so let’s hope they have learned how to cook.
Two Polar Bear Rules – we leave on time just like you know to run when that burrito rumbles your gut and DO NOT BREAK DOWN. When we leave, we leave on time. If you’re not there get your dog (or spouse) to sniff for the carbon footprint. Make sure your old/used/new heap doesn’t crap out on you. No stopping to help those who don’t follow the rules. And did I mention DO NOT BREAK DOWN. We’re in a foreign state and who knows what strange customs those people have. If you're got the cojones then sign up using the form below.
The Facts Ma'am Just The Facts
> > > We will leave the Taco Bell (open for breakfast and you can get a burrito) at 3294 S Crater Rd, Petersburg, VA 23805 at 9:15 AM January 25th. Click for Map. Overflow parking at the Walgreens next store. We will head south on 301. Just be sure to get the directions from your fearless leader; follow them and keep up or you will get lost.
> > > Leave with the group and stay up with us or you will get LOST.
> > > We will have a bathroom/gasoline break at just past the half way point. You will be able to both empty the badder and fill the tank if needed, but you can't do both at the same time.
> > > We will then journey to the yuge (as Trump says) warehouse full of all kinds of crap. Bring money - this is North Carolina and they may not have heard about credit cards.
> > > After buying the place out we will head to an infamous eatery that was open before the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. And yes they cook with that old stuff like lard, butter, real eggs, yard birds (chicken for those of you born north of the Mason-Dixon line), dead hogs and more. Don't forget your cholesterol lowering drugs.
> > > Be sure to sign up using the info below. Those North Carolina people insist on being warned about the coming invasion.
President Trump gives us the thumbs up for the Polar Bear Run. He would like to go but has to fight something called "impeachment". And then he has to campaign for the election in November. Don't be surprised if you see the helicopter Marine One watching over the run keeping an eye out for Russians.
Governor Northam cannot attend the run because of the heavy General Assembly agenda he has put together: stripping gun owners of their rights, allowing anyone to vote at any time, climate change legislation to raise the price of electricity and gasoline, and he is searching for something that will remove shoe polish from faces - might not be too much demand for it.
I will send an email reminder to everyone a couple of days before the run. In case of snow, sleet, ice or carp falling from the sky - and I do mean carp - check the untouched photo - we may have to make other plans.
When the going gets tough let the woman fix it. In the old days they had to pull the plow when the mule gave out and today when the car gets stuck they can pull it out.
Feel free to drive your "special" vehicle on the run. If it's in the shape of the "unsafe at any speedmobile" in the photo you may want to pick another ride from your stable. And be sure that the brakes function properly as I'm driving a vehicle without dents this year and want to keep it that way.
You will need to get directions at each stop and then actually follow them or you could end up like these two idiots. Keep up with the group and don't think that you can just "catch up" later. Leave when the group does and keep together but not too close together. And yes, they are called "bumpers" for a reason.
Did I mention we are going to another state where they may have strange customs? Check out this sign and you can be sure the cops are keeping an eye on the time just in case someone exceeds 25 in one of those 6 time zones. Make sure your ride can handle speeds of up to 55 and can stop at speeds up to 55.
Women - be sure to dress warmly just like this young lady; well may be not, because she doesn't exactly look happy. But if you were dunked in freezing cold water you might have a similar reaction. So let's all dress properly for the run and hope that your heater core doesn't spring a leak. No one likes the smell of hot anti-freeze inside of a car.
Don't worry as we are heading south as it "never" snows there. And if it does and you hit a little bit of snow like this sedan did you can fix it yourself with a can of that magic stuff called bondo.
Remember the rules and do not break down. Polar Bears are hungry creatures and you don't want to break down and end up as round dark droppings on the snow.
You will be able to go to an all you can eat smorgasbord of veggies and dead animals. Since this is NC you may not recognize some of the dead creatures. Don't be afraid to try something new. And no we are not going to "Butty Boys". We don't want to try something that "new".
Yeah, this is North Carolina and their clothes and customs might seem strange to us. Keep in mind they think that they are completely normal. Just look the other way and hopefully they will keep minding their own business and not try to strike up a conversation with you about:
Is cereal soup? Why or why not?
What’s invisible but you wish people could see?
What’s the weirdest smell you have ever smelled?
Is a hotdog a sandwich? Why or why not?
What’s your favorite number? Why?
If you had intro music, what song would it be? Why?
What is the strangest dream you have ever had?
Better yet perhaps you should head the opposite way quickly if you see a guy wearing a toilet seat.
You MUST Register!
Just send me an email or use the form below to let me know how many are attending. A club representative can also contact me to let me know how many club members to expect.
You can contact me by phone, email or use the form below:
There's no telling what you might be able to buy!